Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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