i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
