He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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