Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
