did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
