I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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