I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
