there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
