We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Shame - the story of my life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
