ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
