Who wears a wallet chain?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
