I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
