I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
