Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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