Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
