the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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