I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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