The maid of honor just puked.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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