Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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