she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
