I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
