You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
