its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
