On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize