I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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