how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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