The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
