Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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