theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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