i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
