Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
