You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
