Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The feeling are messing with the penis
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
