the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
