You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
