We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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