Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
