Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
