As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
