i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
