hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
