I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
