We won't sleep together?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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