dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
