It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
