THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
