Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
