i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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