My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
