i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
