took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just found a bag of teeth...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize