Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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