my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
