She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
