I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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