Already got asked if we're dating
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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