I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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