We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
