maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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