question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
