i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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