Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize