Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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