Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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