my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize