so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Damn victory sex feels great
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize