If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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