laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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