yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
