Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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